Monday, April 11, 2005

I'm appalled...

Really.

Okay, my wife will tell you this is not an unusual condition. But, I just heard on the radio that "Sesame Street" is re-working the Cookie Monster ("CM") in response to the "obesity crisis." Cookie Monster, of course, was the blue muppet with the googly eyes who had the all-cookie diet and the sublime theme song "C is for cookie." Apparently, the folks at Children's Television Workshop are going to be having CM assert (and put to music) that "cookies are a sometimes food." AAAAGHH!!!

Several things are deeply wrong with this. First, CM never actually ate the cookies. After all, he is a muppet, made of various types of cloth. When he seized the cookies, he generally made a mess and scattered the things across the set, but never actually ingested the things via his "mouth." (As a child, I noticed this, and had/have enough of my parents in me to think that this was a waste – I will concede that possibly I am not representative). Second, it is completely not in character that CM would, after a lifetime (35+ years) of deriving sustenance from the most elegant and efficient of confections, that he would suddenly and arbitrarily have an epiphany and utterly reject his favorite. Third, what's next? I think it can be asserted without fear of contradiction that unhygienic living conditions have killed more people than obesity. Oscar the Grouch lives in a garbage can. Are they going to have him move to a gated community in the suburbs and actually bathe regularly? Or maybe they should quarantine Big Bird because after all, he may be susceptible to bird flu?!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Paint me appalled, too! ARGH! Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't CM a monster? And thus not susceptible to human physical reactions? I mean, he's been eating cookies like forever - and he's not exactly obese. So, cookies are his type of food. It's what he eats, what he needs to survive. As a child (a very long time ago), I figured on this. I knew that I couldn't eat only cookies as CM did. Yeesh. Sometimes the whole PC thing drives me batty! (One Bat, Two Bat, Three Bat...Muahahaha)
Debbi The Count

Don Tate II said...

I almost wrote a post like this myself. The blame seems to fall on everyone and everything except the true people responsible. The parents. Gasp, I said it. Not McDonalds, Not Taco Bell. Not Cookie Monster, but parents like the one on my sons baseball team who promised his son a Big Mac for good performance after the T-ball game.

Kim said...

I agree! And, don tate ii, right on! While I'm glad these places are offering healthier menu choices now, you have to ask: who is the one driving to these places? Oh, we must have cars with automatic drivers--that's it!

cc said...

dude,

you are so right. If Cookie Monster can't adore cookies, why go on? Is he now an "in the closet" cookie monster? If they are only a sometimes food, is he now just a plain old monster?

This whole thing is wrong. If we can't use Cookie Monster to talk about obssessiion! Passion! Honor to the Sweet Tooth! Then something is seriously wrong.

What's next, like you said, Big Bird better watch out! But I'm more concerned for The Count. That number counting thing might make him due for some brain "correcting" drug.

*hangs head in shame*

*polishes off entire row of Chips Ahoy cookies*

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